Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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