Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
