So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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