Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
