a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
