franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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