I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
