ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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