I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
