i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
