We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
