please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
