you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
