just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
