can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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