this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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