I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
