Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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