apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
