i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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