Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
