I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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