i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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