Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
