im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
