i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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