it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
