I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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