It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
