I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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