i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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