He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
