cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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