where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i'm inner monologue high
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
