My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
