non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
