There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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