Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
