I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
