Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
