if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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