i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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