I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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