Pants 0. Shit 1.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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