I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
