cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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