I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
