remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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