I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
