my mouth tastes like poor choices
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
