You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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