Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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