the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
